Everyone likes to trash novels with criticism.

It’s like we’re sticking it to the man for wasting our time.

I am one of those people who enjoy reading the bad reviews. Sometimes bad reviews just tickle me so much, I have to get the book to see if what the review claimed was actually true.  E.L Jame’s Fifty Shades of Grey is one example.

For those who are well established in the publishing industry, a bad review can work to your favor. For those who are not? Well, look on the bright side. No one grows without criticism. If everyone is telling you they loved everything about your book with wide smiles and bright eyes they are probably lying. Especially if you are an unknown writer just starting out in the craft.

I practically had to call one of my close friends a liar and beat him over the head with my unfinished manuscript to get him to tell me the truth. Finally, he came out and said, “the opening is choppy.” Good grief, like truth kills!

My belief is when you get to the level of Shakespeare, then you can write a one-star review about Shakespeare. For other writers, sorry, you are fair game. Do not worry, it only takes like three hundred years after you passed. Not long at all for those residing in Heaven or Hell. And if people are still talking about your book three hundred years after you passed, you can wear the Shakespeare ribbon.  By then though, you probably won’t even care.

Speaking of games, I found a delightful e-mail devised by the Golden Star Finalist, Heather McLachlan. A retired teacher and navy veteran,  her blog offers lots of Navy pleasure for the eyes.

From Heather McLachlan: The one-star review game

Just don’t worry about the one-star reviews. Like someone else
here implied today, you’re nobody until somebody hates you.

To make those of us with one star reviews feel better, I give you…
The One-Star Review Game!

The rules: Easy. Just guess the book associated with each following
review taken directly from Amazon. Give yourself a star for every one
you get right. (The solution guide is at the end.)

Good luck!

The Reviews.

A: I think I got about a quarter of the way through it and hoped it
would get better. The story is hard to follow, too detailed about
mundane things. The story line is so slow I just gave up.

B: I was not entertained by this work. Boring does not begin to
describe this drawn out waist of bookshelf space. I got more enjoyment
out of mocking the work with friends than reading it. So there you
have it. I would rather fornicate with sheep than re-read this book.

C: this is probably the most boring, unoriginal and derivative story I
have ever read. It is not interesting and was a waste of my time.

D: What I noticed the most in the book is the usage of the many five
dollar words […] Not only those words made the book difficult to
read, they helped to provide detachment for me from enjoying the story
and being immersed in the tale.

E: [The author] needed dough, and [Title] provided it for him. Some of
[the author’s] other pieces are also primarily fluff, but they were
fluff in a more cerebral fashion. [Title] simply panders to the lowest
common denominator.

F: Ugh, this series is terrible. In fact, everything by [Author] is
terrible. Reading his work is like pulling teeth.

G: I have read this book, and found it boring, and unentertaining. The
mystery elements involved are nothing new, and the ending is lame. If
I could give this less stars, I would. Perhaps if there had been a
plot twist, or maybe an exciting scene, or a further explanation of
the murderer (the solution(s) still dont seem to explain all). I hated
this book, and would not reccomend it to anyone.

——————————————————–

A: Pride and Prejudice

B: Jane Eyre

C: Harry Potter

D: A Christmas Carol

E: Romeo and Juliet

F: The Lord of the Rings

G: Murder on the Orient Express